Happy birthday brother. I do love you so, except when you’re upwind.

Happy birthday mum! You are the best! (totally, utterly and completely, top, finest, greatest, unsurpassed, paramount, pre-eminent, esteemed, adored, superlative, fantastic, unbelievable etc…)

Happy birthday mum! You are the best! Totally, utterly and completely!

Happy birthday Dad, you’re the best. When I’m old I want to do everything the way you do it, except the way you eat, the way you dance, and some of your opinions are, well, crap.

Happy birthday dad. When I’m older I want to be like you! (except for the weird habits and weird growths).

Happy Birthday mum. You’re the best. When I’m older I want to be just like you. (pity I’m a boy)

Happy Birthday Mum! (you are 49% red wine, 49% chocolate, and 2% human)

Happy birthday. You are a great blister. I mean, sister.

Happy birthday dad! (of all my alleged dads you are definitely the best)

Nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST DAUGHTER nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag

Mom, Happy Birthday. And I know it was a long time ago, but thanks for all that breast milk. It was really delicious.