Happy birthday. Sorry I forgot the date. I will definitely try and remember next year if you remind me.

Happy birthday you fantastic old bastard.

Happy birthday! Don’t panic, there’s still time.

Happy birthday! you are getting older I’m sorry.

Happy birthday! May you successfully hide your weirdness for another year!

Happy birthday: I’m sorry I missed the party but I had some sand in my bum which gave me a rash.

Happy birthday! (i’m in the pub if you need me)

Happy birthday o’hairy sloth-like creature that has somehow landed up in my bed.

Happy birthday! Sorry that this is late but I got abducted by aliens who wanted cash but I couldn’t remember my pin number etc etc… You know how it goes...

Happy birthday! what, i missed it? oh well, can i have this e-card back then.

Happy birthday to you ! Ha peeb irthdate ooyoo! Ha peeb irthdate ooyoo oo! Ha peeb irthdate ooyoo!

Happy birthday! i tried to buy you a present but you are so goddamn weird that i didn’t know what to get you!