A man's body is built to chop down trees and drink beer If there are no trees to chop down, it is fully within his rights to drink beer all the time.

Behind every great woman is her bum.

And on the eighth day, god made toast.

Deep inside the brain of every man is a spigot. Inside that is a valve attached to a gaskit attached to a spitoon. The washer on the spitoon often becomes loose (kind of a design fault), which accounts for a lot of behavioural issues.

I called god to get some advice but his secretary said he was in a meeting. That can't be a good sign can it?

If I’m not a millionaire by the time I’m 25 i am going to be disappointed. I am disappointed.

If you get caught between the moon and New York city you will most likely die from lack of oxygen.

Je suis bombastic. (no idea what it means but it sounds good).

Sneezes are bizarre things that arrive unexpectedly, can give one a fright, and tend to spray saliva. (rather like in-laws really).

So you say you're a vegetarian? If you were trapped for a week down a very deep ravine in the Swiss Alps in winter and starving, and all you had with you was a small rotting courgette and a fresh roast chicken, what would you do?

The answer to the universe is because.

We are all mere pimples on the bum of the intergalactic moose.